How not to boil eggs...

As an addendum to my older posts I think that it is my fundamental duty towards All Boys Association to impart some further expensively-experiencive ideas not to try while cooking. Good news for someone who is looking for something which is not-vegetarian. As usual, following my methodical and programmatic approach to cooking, here come I with the following project plan.

1. Never ever go to Poundland. They surely have contacts with the big manufacturers and vendors. They sell you cheap chefs to spoil expensive broth.

2. Okay, if you decide to go there then don’t buy their ezee- egg boiler. If you are a mechanical engineer by any chance, it is the right time to shift to Bobcox-Wilcox or Locomotive boiler. Believe me they are a better bet even to boil eggs. And see what? You can produce energy too as a by product so turn the turbine or hose an engine.

3. Say if you bought one, think thrice about returning it. Donate your pound for charity(for your own charity) cause you are going to need it more and more.

4. Suppose you brought it home, think tetrice about boiling eggs with it. Why not paint it real good and create your own modern art and place it in your living room? What about putting marbles in it and hang it at your entrance like a storm-chime. (Please... you cannot call it wind-chime. Wind will not even shake it a theta degrees)

5. If you have bought it, brought it and finally decided to boil eggs...still you can have the last laugh. What if you don’t own a microwave? You’re real lucky. Thank for the day you decided not to buy it. Go, go and dance and play and trance.

6. If you are reading point no. 6 guys...welcome to the league. Put eggs on the tray, fill lower half of the EZEE EGG BOILER with water (as directed in the instruction manual), place it in the microwave, turn the knob, and set the timer to 5 mins. Make your way to the chopping board chop 5 onions in 5 minutes. That is what time slicing is all about. You multi tasking man!!!

7. Phaaaaaattttttttttttttt! Gosh! you chopped only 2.45 onions. What is this sound? Did my tracheal tube burst?? Mom said smoking will burst your lungs one day!!! God relieve me of my sins here comes thee.....I am alive, aha! After all smoking in the kitchen is not blasphemy. You cannot kill me for that...thou Good God. Then you look at the microwave, it was not yellow. You bought it snow-white..okay off-white was what you turned it into. Still yellow is too mean. Open it-triinngg wow you just invented an egg-bomb. Strong enough to kill your maid. Now remember what Poundland sold you- some kitchen towels, washing liquid, cleansing cloth and deodorizer. Use them all....call 08XXXYYYZZZ. Pizza hut, hello one large pizza serves 2 and gets thrown for two. Home delivery--- 4, Egg-burst lane, post code EGG CRY.

8. Now, fellaaaas time for mathematics. One pound worth of egg boiler costs you 1£ worth of itself +10p worth of kitchen towel+10p for washing liquid+ 10p for cleansing cloth+10p worth of deodorizer+10p worth of electricity+10p worth of bio sac+10p worth of phone call+14£ worth of alternate food+ you throw that boiler back to bin. They will recycle its non-biodegradable plastic. Saw through the trick—who pays them underhand – from EDF Energy to Pizza-Hut.